Example of college admission essay counseling
Max wrote this essay before the Common Application implemented the current word length limit. Student Teacher Anthony was neither a leader nor a role model. In fact, his teachers and his parents were constantly chastising him because he was disruptive, ate too much, and had a hard time staying focused on a task. I met Anthony when I was a counselor at a local summer camp. The counselors had the usual duties of keeping kids from smoking, drowning, and killing each other. We rode horses, sailed boats, and hunted snipe.
Anthony signed up for my class. Anthony stood out from my other students for many reasons.
He was larger and louder than the other middle school kids. He was also the only African American in the class. The camp was located in a well-to-do and predominately white neighborhood. In a questionable effort to promote economic and racial diversity, the camp organizers developed a strategy of busing inner-city kids out to the burbs. But despite the best efforts of the organizers and counselors, the inner-city kids and suburbanites tended to stick to their own groups during most activities and meals. Anthony was not a good student. He had been kept back a year at his school.
He talked out of turn and lost interest when others were talking.
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In my class, Anthony got some good laughs when he smashed his kite and threw the pieces into the wind. Now he suddenly showed a spark of interest. I worked one-on-one with Anthony and had him use his project to demonstrate to his classmates how to cut, glue and mount the balsawood framework. When the frames were complete, we covered them with tissue paper. We mounted propellers and rubber bands. Anthony, with all his thumbs, created something that looked a bit like his this web page drawing despite some wrinkles and extra glue.
His plane had a lot of wing area in the back and too much weight in the front. I expected Anthony to grind his plane into the earth with his boot.
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He wanted to make his creation work. The class returned to the classroom to make adjustments, and Anthony added some big flaps to the wings. Our second test flight surprised the whole class. In fact, I had quickly dismissed Anthony like many of his teachers before me.
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At best, I had viewed him as a distraction in my class, and I felt my job was to keep him from sabotaging the experience for the other students. He had succeeded in making me aware of my own failures. Here was a student who was never taken seriously and had developed a bunch of behavioral issues as a result. I never stopped to look for his potential, discover his interests, or get to know the kid beneath the facade. I had grossly underestimated Anthony, and I am grateful that he was able to disillusion me. Here I'll discuss the strengths and weaknesses of Max's college read more essay, Student Teacher.
The Topic This sample college admissions essay was written by Max for personal essay option 3 of the Common Application: From the first sentence, we know that Max's essay is going to be different: Also, essays on influential people often conclude with the writers explaining how they've become a better people or owe all of their success to the mentor. Max takes the idea in a different direction--Anthony has made Max realize that he isn't as good of a person as he had thought, that he still has much to learn.
The humility and self-critique is refreshing. The Title Max's title is perhaps a little too clever. Thus, both Anthony and Max are "student teachers. The title by itself does not immediately grab our attention, nor does it clearly tell use what the essay will be about. The Tone For the most part, Max maintains a pretty serious tone throughout the essay. The real strength of the essay, however, is that Max manages the tone to avoid sounding like he is bragging about his accomplishments.
The self-criticism of the essay's conclusion may seem like a risk, but I'd argue it works to Max's advantage.
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The admissions counselors know that no student is perfect, so Max's awareness of his own short-comings will probably be interpreted as a sign of maturity, not as red flag highlighting a defect in character. The Writing At just a little over words, Max's essay is too long for the current guidelines click at this page to words.
Because of my viewpoint on highschool and the SAT I did not exert myself on either. There are so many things that I want to write about in such a short essay. ISU is also not far from my hometown, Libertyville. One such sample just happened to be a chicken liver or maybe it was a kidney I plucked out of the giblet packet when Mom was making dinner. Anthony stood out from my other students for many reasons. Also, Max skirts some touchy issues when he talks about race. She example of college admission essay counseling there scared and afraid, and little did she know, so did I.
When Max wrote the essay, however, the Common Application did not have a length limit and words would not have been a problem. This is particularly true because the prose is never wordy, flowery, or excessive. The sentences tend to be short and clear, so the overall reading experience isn't labored. The opening sentence grabs our attention because it isn't what we expect for this essay option.
The conclusion is also pleasingly surprising. Many students would be tempted to make themselves the hero of the essay and state what a profound impact they had on Anthony. Max turns it around, highlights his own failures, and gives the credit to Anthony.
- STEM Science, Technology, Engineering, Math fields and women in the future b.
- I soon attained full-time employment with the San Diego Center for Children, where I continue to volunteer on various weekends and holidays.
- Bad Example 2 My goals is that I want to become a teacher for either mathematics or science.
The balance of the essay isn't perfect. The prompt on the Common Application tells us to "indicate a person who has had an significant influence" on us, and then "describe that influence. Ideally, Max could cut a couple sentences from the middle of the essay and then develop a little further the two short concluding paragraphs.
Final Thoughts Max's essay, like Felicity's essaytakes some risks. It's possible an admissions officer would judge Max negatively for exposing his biases. Also, Max skirts some touchy issues when he talks about race. The essay could easily stray into a rather uncomfortable display of hierarchical racial positioning if Max were to present himself as the white kid from the suburbs who became the mentor of the poor minority kid from the inner city.
I have a solid academic track record thus far, and have every expectation of improving upon my past performance now that I have found my niche and am ready to dedicate my full attention to becoming the most well prepared counselor I can be. Afmission humility and self-critique is refreshing. I am hoping to qualify again this year. For example, saying that you are helpful is not as interesting as writing about your experiences volunteering Creativity counts — The ccollege is your opportunity to show your prospective college what makes you who you are. This would make adjusting to a new home far easier than at any other college. Based on your background and personal experiences, describe a situation where you fostered diversity. Stop trying so hard. To assist you, Top Admit provides you some college admissions essay samples written by counselors and editors hailing from prestigious schools including Harvard.
I believe Max avoids these traps and writes an effective and compelling essay. In the end, Max presents himself as someone who is a leader he is designing and teaching a class, after all and as someone who is aware that he still has much to learn. These are qualities that should be attractive to most college admissions folks.